Loneliness is usually associated with old age, but for countless young women of today, that’s not even half the picture. Fresh evidence indicates that young single women are increasingly becoming lonely, and that paints an entirely more complex picture of what is now also referred to as a loneliness epidemic.
It appears loneliness doesn’t take a linear journey throughout life. Scientists have discovered that it takes more of a U-shape—it peaks when we’re young and again when we’re older. Between, of course, most folks are busy with relationships, families, and careers. But for young women who are not going the same route, the experience can be very different. Single women are indicating higher levels of loneliness than their male counterparts, or even older people. As author Georgina Lawton suggests, the stress of reaching classic life benchmarks—such as finding a partner, having children, or getting a “secure” career—can make women feel behind the times or out of place, particularly when those do not happen in sync with their values or timeline.
The world outside is not much help either. With the increasing cost of living, going out has begun to be considered a luxury. For most women, particularly in large cities, being advised to “just move somewhere less expensive” or “go where the men are” isn’t practical advice. And as increasingly more of our social life takes place online, we sacrifice the type of face-to-face time that allows us to connect deeply. Without those in-person moments, it’s more difficult to create strong, lasting relationships.
And loneliness isn’t just about feeling sad—it can impact your health. The CDC defines social isolation as lacking contact with others, while loneliness is the sense of feeling disconnected, even if you’re surrounded by people. Both are common—about one in three U.S. adults say they feel lonely—and both can take a toll. Loneliness and isolation can raise the risk of mental health struggles like anxiety and depression, and even affect your physical health.
For women, this link between loneliness and mental health can be particularly challenging. According to the Mental Health Foundation, women are nearly twice as likely as men to suffer from anxiety. A combination of experiences during life—such as childhood trauma, social pressure, or significant life changes—can contribute to it. Keeping up with expectations regarding looks, achievement, or milestones can make women feel lonely and not good enough. And with most of these days reducing social time or even sleep to just keep the cost of living, things that would normally safeguard mental health are falling by the wayside.
When real life doesn’t live up to what society says it’s supposed to be like, it’s simple to feel behind. Watching friends get wed or observing colleagues advance up the professional ladder can trigger comparisons that pinch. It feels like everybody else has their life together except you. Georgina Lawton calls this type of loneliness something you carry with you, particularly during bereavement, difficult breakups, or when you feel like you just don’t fit in.
Nevertheless, there is good reason to be optimistic. Since the pandemic, greater numbers of people are building communities to gather and connect in real, tangible ways—consider supper clubs, book clubs, hobby clubs, or creative gatherings. These smaller groups provide something profound: an opportunity to simply be yourself and connect around common interests without the pressure of adhering to another’s definition of success.
Loneliness in young women is intimate, but it’s also influenced by the world we inhabit—our economy, our culture, and what we’re told about how our lives are supposed to be. By speaking of it honestly and acknowledging where it originates, we can start to transition towards something more. True connection. A feeling of community. And most significantly, the freedom to create what belonging means for us.
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