Talking about sexual health with your daughter can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable. For many Black mothers, these talks fill in gaps and offer the kind of clarity and care they may not have received but always wanted to give.
We spoke to Dr. Lonna Gordon, a physician who’s spent her career helping families have the kinds of conversations she knows can shape trust, confidence, and emotional safety.
Why These Conversations Matter for Emotional Wellness
Dr. Gordon is a quadruple-boarded physician with expertise in adolescent medicine, obesity care, pediatrics, and culinary wellness. Her work centers on the emotional and developmental needs of young people, especially Black girls, and she’s known for helping caregivers build trust through honest dialogue.
“Even if you feel nervous about starting the conversation, have it, because it can make a huge difference in a girl’s emotional well-being,” she says.
She explains that when parents talk openly about sexual health, they help daughters build self-esteem, trust their choices, and feel more confident in their relationships.
“Having ‘the talk’ can help young women build self-esteem by showing them they can trust their own choices and set their own boundaries,” she says. “It also helps reduce the negative feelings they may have about their bodies when a parent reassures them that their bodies are beautiful, and that beauty is just one of many qualities they bring to the table.”
Approach the Conversation With an Open Mind
For caregivers who didn’t grow up with these conversations, Dr. Gordon encourages a shift in thinking. It’s not a single talk; it’s a series that builds over time. She encourages parents to approach the topic with curiosity and a willingness to listen.
“Parents should go into these conversations with an open mind, a curiosity for what their child wants to talk about, and be ready to listen,” she says.
“They may not have all the answers. But it’s important to emphasize that they’re always willing to hear what their child wants to talk about,” Dr. Gordon continues. “Even if the subject may be hard to hear or difficult to talk about.”
Choose a neutral and relaxed setting. Such as a car ride, so the conversation doesn’t feel too intense.
There Are Stages When These Talks Will Resonate
Dr. Gordon points to key developmental stages when these conversations matter. Early childhood curiosity sets the tone for trust. During puberty, it’s essential to talk about body changes and emotional shifts. In high school, the focus expands to sexual identity and decision-making.
“If you keep the lines of communication open through all these stages, you can trust that when your child leaves home, for college or career, she is set up to make informed decisions about her body,” she says.
Help Your Daughter Navigate Mixed Messages
As girls receive conflicting messages from school, peers, and media, Dr. Gordon urges parents to be a reliable source of information or to help daughters build relationships with trusted healthcare providers.
“If parents don’t feel like they can provide this information or have a reliable source, they should advocate for private time and a trusting relationship between daughters and their healthcare providers,” she says.
Challenge Harmful Narratives About Black Girls
In her work with Black families, Dr. Gordon emphasizes the importance of rejecting stereotypes that label curiosity as promiscuity. She also calls attention to the adultification of Black girls, which often denies them the space to make mistakes and learn from them.
“Making mistakes in an environment that is safe enough to learn from is the task of adolescence and so important for growing into an emotionally healthy adult,” she says. “Parents are critical in creating that safe space.”
“Embracing that sexual and reproductive health curiosity does not imply a young person is ‘fast’ or promiscuous,” she adds. “It is important for their children to know about their reproductive and sexual health and to seek out accurate and reliable information.”
What the Opill Survey Reveals About Changing Attitudes
A recent survey commissioned by Perrigo, the maker of Opill, shows how attitudes are shifting. Conducted in July 2025, the Opill Back to School Survey polled nearly 1,200 mothers of college-bound daughters across the U.S. Two in three said they plan to send their daughters to college with birth control. Sixty-six percent said it’s extremely important to have a sexual wellness conversation before their daughters leave home for college.
Still, many mothers expressed concern about side effects, proper use, and the risk of pregnancy. The findings show that caregivers want their daughters to have knowledge and protection they can trust, along with access that feels safe and reliable.
Supporting Autonomy and Access
Dr. Gordon sees this shift as an opportunity to expand the conversation beyond contraception.
“It also opens up space for more comprehensive conversations about sex that include contraception, consent, emotional connection, mutual respect, and pleasure,” she says.
She points to Opill, the first FDA-approved daily birth control available over the counter, as one option that can help remove barriers to access.
“If a college-bound girl can’t easily see a healthcare provider, it’s good to know she still has access to a range of birth control options, including Opill,” she says.
Passing Down Knowledge That Protects
Dr. Gordon describes these conversations as a way to equip daughters with tools that shape their futures. When families talk openly about sexual wellness, they’re not only sharing information, they’re creating conditions for safety, choice, and long-term wellbeing.
“Having these conversations is its own kind of generational wealth, passing down not just knowledge, but opportunities to future generations,” she says.
You Already Know More Than You Think
You may have noticed we didn’t offer a step-by-step script for how to talk to your daughter about sexual health. That’s intentional. There’s no single roadmap that fits every family, and no one knows your child better than you do.
What you bring to the table, your instincts, your care, your lived experience, is already powerful. When paired with Dr. Gordon’s guidance on setting, tone, and intention, those maternal gifts can open space for trust, clarity, and connection.
Whether the conversation starts in a car ride, a quiet moment at home, or a question that catches you off guard, what matters most is that it starts and that your daughter knows she can keep coming back to you.
Resources:
Havas Red and Atomik Research, “Opill Back to School Survey Findings,” commissioned by Perrigo, July 2025.
Opill®: The First FDA-Approved OTC Daily Birth Control Pill | Opill®
