9. Define Your Expectations and Boundaries
Take a moment before you begin dating to determine what you want—and what you don’t want. It’s just as important to know your limits as it is to know your intentions. Your safety always comes first, even if you’re more at ease on dates with women and nonbinary folk than with cis-hetero men. Tell a friend where you’re headed before that initial date, and check in with yourself along the way. Being honest about what you want grounds both you and your date and clarifies things from the start.
8. Balancing Apps and Real-Life Connections
Dating apps like Her have made it so much easier for LGBTQ+ women to find each other. They’re great resources, but they’re not the only means to an end.
Showing up at local happenings, clubbing with people, even simply attending a boygenius show with an open heart (and perhaps a dash of confusion) can result in actual human connection. Utilize apps to open the door, but don’t be hesitant to walk through it for real.
7. Savoring the Early Stages
It’s tempting to organize an epic first date with all the fun ideas you’ve ever dreamed of—but slow and steady might win the day here. Begin small: a walk, a coffee, a brief chat. Leave the art museum and the hike for a second or third date. Allowing things to develop slowly allows you time to appreciate the spark and enjoy the thrill of getting to know someone new.
6. Ask Questions and Express Curiosity
Good conversations are born out of genuine curiosity. Ask questions that will get you to know your date better—what they enjoy doing, who matters in their lives, and how their day has been. The small stuff counts. Follow-up questions indicate that you’re listening and care about what they have to share. It’s not about writing a script—it’s about being naturally interested.
5 Taking the First Step
There aren’t any rules in queer dating for who is supposed to make the first move, and that’s both liberating and sometimes cringeworthy. Don’t let that hold you back. Whether it’s saying how you’re feeling or whether you can kiss them, going first is confident, respectful, and usually incredibly welcomed. As Gay Times’s Megan Wallace puts it, “If you never put it on the line, how am I gonna sign for it?”
4. Honest Communication: No Ghosting or Stringing Along
We all don’t want to have the awkward conversation, but honesty is always kinder than ghosting or stringing someone along. If you don’t feel it, breathe and send a clear, kind message. You might cringe in the moment, but you’re treating the other person with respect they deserve—and that’s something we all deserve back.
3. Give Time to Get to Know Each Other
It’s simple to rush quickly when you genuinely jive with someone, but it’s not love at first sight if you already know everything there is to know about them. Keep in touch, keep talking, and provide room for both of you to develop. There’s always something new to learn, even on the second and third spectacular dates.
2. Be Gentle with Yourself and Identify Burnout
Let’s be real, dating can be exhausting. If you’re also navigating your identity or living in a space that doesn’t feel affirming, it’s even harder. It’s okay to take a break. If swiping starts to feel like a chore or you’re feeling drained, step back and rest. You’re not giving up—you’re just taking care of yourself.
1. Patience in Queer Dating
Occasionally, it seems like you’ve dated the same five people on all the apps and all the event posters. It’s infuriating. But the good connection usually takes some time. Don’t lose heart. Even when it’s slow or disheartening, remain open. Queer dating has no instruction manual, but if you start with honesty, curiosity, and patience in small doses, you’re doing fantastic already.
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