Have you ever felt you’re shouldering the whole burden of your relationship on your own? Like you’re doing all the effort while your partner is riding along? You’re not alone—one-sided relationships are more prevalent than you’d imagine. And they can leave you feeling drained, insecure, and uncertain about where you stand. Then what exactly is a one-sided relationship, and how do you know it before it takes too much out of you?
A one-sided relationship is when the effort, time, and emotional investment are not balanced—when one person is doing most of the work, and the other is sitting back. This type of dynamic may occur in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even among family members.
By Dr. Amy Mezulis, Joon co-founder and chief clinical officer, a healthy relationship should make you feel safe, loved, confident, connected, understood, and secure. But when you’re initiating conversations, making plans, mediating fights, and compromising your own needs just to keep things going all the time, it’s quick to get exhausting. It could be like you’re always leaning to maintain the peace, with the other person hardly even realizing it.
Then again, this type of imbalance doesn’t always imply someone’s intentionally being selfish and manipulative. Often, it results from bad communication, misaligned expectations, or personal issues that keep a person from fully being present. For example, a partner experiencing job stress or battling mental illness may emotionally pull back, making you feel isolated.
Attachment styles can be involved as well. An anxious person may attempt too much to keep everything together, fearing abandonment, while an avoidant person may pull away, increasing the rift.
The emotional weight of a one-sided relationship can be immense. You may feel isolated even when you are around the other person. You may doubt your value or wonder if you’re “too much.” That nagging self-doubt can erode your confidence. And it’s not necessarily always emotional—financial imbalance can be a warning sign as well. If you’re always paying the tab or taking the lead on shared expenses with no assistance at all, resentment can quickly begin to develop.
So, how do these dyads form in the first place? Usually, it’s not bad intentions but rather contrasting styles and expectations. Perhaps one is seeking a serious commitment, and the other is keeping it light. Or perhaps you’ve become accustomed to being the caretaker, shouldering more than your share out of habit, fear of fighting, or because you’re afraid that things will disintegrate if you don’t.
The good news? These patterns can change—but only if both individuals are willing to work at it. One step you can take is to honestly examine the give-and-take in your relationship. Are your emotional needs being addressed? Do you feel heard and understood? Can you express yourself freely without fear of being dismissed or shut down? Straight-up, honest communication is the way to go.
Dr. Mezulis suggests sitting down for a straightforward talk with your needs, your dreams, and the changes that would make you feel more supported and connected. At times, even minor changes—such as not always being the initiator—can allow for a healthier pattern.
If discussion doesn’t result in substantial change, couples therapy may prove beneficial. The therapy provides a forum to practice communication, learn what’s beneath the surface, and discover how to more equally share emotional and practical responsibilities. But knowing when to back away is also necessary.
If your partner consistently shuts down talks, disregards your worries, or makes you doubt your reality, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself if the relationship is healthy.
Ultimately, relationships need to be a mutual effort. You should be able to feel valued, respected, and emotionally secure. What the signs of a one-sided relationship can help you take the first step toward discovering the type of connection that builds you up instead of draining you.
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