To paraphrase our forever First Lady, Michelle Obama, sometimes we go high when they go low, even when we really want to get right on down. Other times, we have to go there. Oh yeah, she went there. She has quit her Black job. And we are there for all the lessons of it. Our first hint was when she opted out of the funeral services for Former President Jimmy Carter. All the living former presidents and their wives attended—except Michelle. Good thing—she would have sat next to the Trumps if she had gone. And in the words of Vice President Kamala Harris, “nobody wants that.”
When Obama’s office sent out a short and sweet press release stating that her husband would attend the Inauguration, but she would not, that was all she needed to say and all we needed to hear. There was a big PERIODT at the end of the sentence.
Now, it is left to our imagination, I suppose, to speculate as to why she has gone MIA. Keep guessing. She said what she said—I ain’t going. THE END. Maybe we need to try it when we have had enough.
2024 was rough on us all. Coming into this new year, we must shape our priorities and boundaries for self-care and well-being. By the end of 2024, I was pretty shaken, stressed, and anxious. I was everywhere and saying yes to everything. One of my own goals is to believe that “NO” is a complete sentence.
When she said it, we tired, politically stressed, and broken-hearted Black women got it, and it emboldened us. She didn’t owe us the obligatory stuff we tell people when we don’t want to go somewhere or do something. There is no need for “no but,” or “no, and.”
Now, we could be reading too much into it. Maybe she is planning on a migraine and knows she won’t be up to it. Or maybe she knew that the whole Game of Thrones thing would make her sick. It makes me ill just thinking about it. Look, it’s no longer her Black job.
Now, I will say that I will miss getting one of those dazzling, show-stealing Michelle Obama moments we all wait for. I am still thinking about the last Inauguration when she broke the internet without saying a word—that hair, that Sergio Hudson burgundy pantsuit. I forgot that the Bidens were moving into the White House. I even forgot that Kamala Harris was being sworn in as the first Black and South Asian Vice President. It was all about her out there slaying.
Since leaving the White House, a lot has changed for her. She has had to adjust to a new normal as a bestselling author, speaker, and executive producer.
She’s an empty nester who lost her beloved mother in 2024. If you have had that kind of loss, you know how hard it is to get back on your feet.
She was reluctant to get on the campaign trail again, but she was spectacular when she got out there for Vice President Harris, leaving nothing on the podium. She was a voice for all of us who have had to be assaulted by racism, sexism, and genderism in this country. The weight is heavy.
So, when she said no, without explanation, I took it to heart in my own life. The moment you explain your position, you have already lost. People will tell you why that’s not a good idea. We need to have a line in the sand as we find our footing in when, where, and how we show up. We all need an off-ramp.
The Black women I have talked to are over it, too. We are just bone tired of showing up for a country, a job, or a community that won’t show up for us.
There is no cavalry. We are the cavalry. It has been hard on us. We have to take care.
This is the perfect time to begin weighing your reasons for saying no. How often have you said yes when your whole spirit said no? We have not been socialized to say yes to ourselves. Please take a note from Michelle Obama’s page: We don’t owe anybody an explanation regarding self-care. I love that for her and us.
The takeaways moving forward.
- Set your boundaries regarding what matters and how you spend your time.
- Honor your power to decide what is right and healthy for you.
- Give yourself permission to say no, unapologetically—or yes.
- Distance yourself from people and places that are energy-zapping and move toward your joy and healing.
